No path to an actor’s career looks quite the same. While that can be empowering and exhilarating, the lack of guidelines to success can also be overwhelming, leaving young actors adrift. Networking is a huge part of an actor’s career. Particularly in film and television, it can feel like a vast and nebulous obligation with no clear starting point.
Often, actors are told to seek guidance from industry professionals, but looking for advice can easily turn into hoping for connections and favors. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and while there may be no consistent right and wrong way to go about it, there are certainly more respectful and less respectful ways to seek help. “It never hurts to ask” is an old saying that gets thrown around a lot. To make sure the ask doesn’t hurt, here are some things to consider before asking for someone’s extra time and attention.
Key Insights
• Not every admired professional is someone you have a relationship with, and recognizing that difference can prevent your ask from feeling entitled or intrusive.
• Vague requests like “picking someone’s brain” often underestimate the value of another person’s time and expertise.
• Thoughtful presentation, from clear writing to proper context, signals respect and professionalism before a meeting ever happens.
What is your relationship?
It’s one thing to respect someone’s work from afar, and parasocial relationships can give an inflated sense of intimacy. Be honest about who you are to someone. If you don’t have a professional or personal relationship with them, messaging out of the blue with pleas for industry help can come off as jarring, rude or entitled. If you want to benefit from someone’s long-earned wealth of knowledge, ask yourself, have you invested in their work at all? Do they offer coaching, or a class you could take? Have you read their books? What can you offer them in a good faith exchange?
If you don’t actually have a relationship with the person that would warrant them going out of their way, consider investing in their expertise before emailing them cold. If you have had a professional relationship in the past, how long ago was it? Did you leave it on good terms? Remember that industry professionals are people, and nobody likes to feel used. Approach any ask with consideration, communication and honesty.
Know what your ask is
If you’re looking to “pick someone’s brain” and just want general advice, remember that what you’re really asking is for that person to interrupt their schedule, donate their expertise, and curate the topics that might be important to you. If someone has generously offered to meet with you, show them you are aware of the worth of that offer. Buy them a cup of coffee or lunch, come prepared with specific questions, express thanks, and follow up. If they are introducing you to someone to make a connection, show up on time, be prepared and informed about who you’re meeting, and dress appropriately for the occasion.
Presentation
So much correspondence these days is casual in tone and approach. This is the time to dress it up a little. Run a spell and grammar check, and make sure to use proper introductions, along with a clear ask and expressed appreciation. If it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to that person, acknowledge it. Do your research and make sure you know where this person is in their career and what they’re working on. Does it make sense for you to approach them at this time?
Basic manners and social considerations are your North Star on this front. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be valued and treated like a person, not a resource. But as long as you’re moving with that awareness and have checked the appropriate boxes, it might not hurt to ask.
Key Takeaways
• Before asking for a favor, honestly assess your relationship and consider how you’ve engaged with that person’s work or expertise.
• Be specific about what you’re asking for, come prepared, and acknowledge the real value of someone’s time and attention.
• Good manners, research, and clear communication go a long way in making an ask feel human rather than transactional.
