As any actor knows, rejection is a huge part of the job. Through our careers, we will get many no’s to a few yeses. Learning how to deal with rejection healthily is something better done earlier than later.
While everyone deals with rejection it in their own way, here are some thoughts for when it feels overwhelming.
Don’t Take it Personally
It’s easier said than done. Our line of work demands so much vulnerability, honesty and creativity, that it’s hard not to feel like a rejection is a reflection of our worth. But divorcing who you are from what you do for a living is an immensely important step towards a longer and healthier psyche and career.
It’s easy to start projecting and obsessing, letting your insecurities inform your opinions on the reasons you might not have booked, but the truth is we rarely know what went on in the room.
Often the final call is less about talent than about things completely out of our control. Obsessing over rejections doesn’t help anything, and prevents us from looking at the experience objectively enough to grow from it.
What Can You Learn From it?
Speaking of growing, reframing failure to book as a chance to learn can be enormously helpful. First, make sure you’re coming at it from an emotionally regulated place. Give yourself time to grieve, pout, let the sting fade, and express whatever you need to express.
Once you’re able to be objective, you can ask yourself a few questions. Try to come at it from a perspective of “what can I do next time” rather than “what did I do wrong this time.” Could I have better energy in the room? Can I take notes more fully? How do I make sure my approach better matches the tone of the project?
If you have a chance to watch the final film, show or commercial and see how it played out, that might give inspiration as well. Or at least closure.
Choose Your Disappointment Battles
We can’t fall apart over all of them. It’s just too grueling. Something that has helped me over the years is to identify the special ones. The ones you want.
Sometimes mentally checking myself before I go in (“OK, I know I’m attached to this role, don’t let it spiral into overthinking”) helps. But let yourself grieve those, if you lose them. Then acknowledge that some jobs are for the paycheck, and let them go.
What Can be Salvaged or Reframed?
Did you get a part but not the part? That’s still a win! Make sure you’re not carrying bitterness, envy, or “what ifs” into the process, and find the joy in the new role. If you have to, tell yourself you’re doing it for the check. That’s still taking care of yourself while you move forward in your career.
If you didn’t book at all, well… at least you were called in. At least they saw you and maybe saw you do well. That could always lead to more future bookings.
It’s OK to be disappointed. It’s part of the job. As long as the good outweighs the bad, it’s worth it.
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